When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them.
I recently ran into a friend I had not seen in a few years. The last time I saw him I had no hair and was still recovering from surgeries. It was so wonderful to see him and he immediately asked how I was feeling and then said how incredibly strong I was and what a fighter I was. Of course, I was grateful for the kind words but it got me thinking about how many of us are fighting a struggle that can’t be seen. I feel like my life is in complete chaos right now, but outside of a select few, I don’t share it with most. When I leave my home, I have a smile on my face and that is what most people see. How many of us have struggled at one time or another but we hide it from the outside world.
I talk a great deal about kindness and how we really don’t know what someone is going through. We all have a story, some might not be as glaring as someone losing their hair from an illness but it is still a struggle.
Have you ever felt at times that the person you show to the outside world is not at all the person you feel inside? I’ve heard people talk about the mask. The mask we put on when we go out in public. We might be suffering inside but when we leave the sanctuary of our home we make believe. We make believe we are not hurting, that everything is ok. I can tell you there is nothing more exhausting than that mask. I’ve worn it myself more than a few times.
Growing up we are taught how we should act in public. We are taught to pick ourselves up and “be an adult”. Don’t talk about your feelings. Get through it on your own. Depression and anxiety are not talked about, we need to deal with it and move on.
When I was growing up, there was a “perfect” family that lived in my neighborhood. They never yelled or fought . Dinner was always on the table at 5:00pm, the house was always spotless. They went to church as a family every Sunday. To me, they were perfect. My mom worked full-time, sometimes dinner was late. I fought with my twin every single day and the only time we went to church as a family was on a major holiday. In my eyes, I wanted to be more like that “perfect family”. Years later I heard that the family had broken up and there had been mental health issues mixed in with a suicide attempt. They were far from the perfect family. Not putting them down at all, they were a family just like mine. A lesson that we really do not know what goes on behind closed doors. What is shown to the outside world many times is not the truth.
When I was in 8th grade, my Father went into an alcoholic rehab. He was gone for six weeks. I told no one, my family told no one. I was brought up that “dirty laundry” was not be shared. I lied to all my friends, not that I wanted to deceive them but because I did not want them to think less of me and more importantly, less of my Father. When I left my house to go to school, I did it with a smile on my face.
Something I’ve learned firsthand: No matter how someone looks or acts, we truly never know what is happening in their lives and what their struggle is
That woman who seemed harried and annoyed in your local Dunkin Donuts might have just come from visiting her husband at the hospital. Maybe she is dealing with a sick parent or problems with a son or daughter. It might have taken her an enormous effort to just get dressed and leave the house. Holding the door for someone, saying Good Morning, or just a smile (before the masks) might seem like a small gesture but might make the difference between getting through the day and falling apart.
I believe that all of us have overcome something in our lives that no one knows anything about. People see you with your “Mask” and think your life is perfect. I have learned that behind every mask there is a face and behind that is a story. A story most people don’t see.
We are all strong and we are all survivors.
Accidental Harmony 