Anyone who knows me knows that I am an avid fan of Hallmark Christmas movies. A man who looks like Santa and goes by the name of Nick always seems to be around to help a woman find the man of her dreams and then he vanishes with a wink once she falls in love. That is true happiness to me.
I have been living on my own for the last six months. This is the first time I’ve shared that publicly (or, to you dedicated few who take the time to read my blog). It has been a major change after living with someone else for over thirty-two years. It has taken a lot of adjustment and I am just now learning the difference between being alone and being lonely. This new change in my living arrangements really seemed to hit me as my birthday was approaching. I knew this Birthday was gonna be a little different because it was the first time I would be celebrating it without a significant other.
My amazing daughters were determined to make this birthday incredible, took me out for high tea in Boston. It was a cold Sunday afternoon and we called an Uber to take us home. The uber driver was late getting us and could not seem to find the entrance to the hotel. As we were shivering outside, we were kind of annoyed it was taking him so long to find us.
We climbed into the Uber, eyes rolling, we were met by the peaceful, genuine energy of our driver. It sounds dramatic, but I truly felt like I had stepped into a dream and that God was speaking to us through him. He started talking to us about why he started ubering and how it allowed him time to reflect and enjoy the peace of his own company. He talked about how he uses the time to meditate and reflect on his life. He talked about his family, his work, and his outlook on life.
He started talking about the joys in being alone – how he has focused on taking care of himself and putting himself first. He told us that it’s impossible to pour from an empty cup, and that you need to take care of yourself before taking care of somebody else.
He then started talking about the difference between being lonely and being alone. I felt like he was speaking to my soul. I am learning to be alone. It is not an easy thing. I have trouble sleeping. I leave the light and the TV on because the silence is a little too loud.
That being said, I am getting more comfortable coming home to myself. Dare I say, sometimes I enjoy it. I like being able to come home and sit alone watching TV, reading, or just sitting on the back porch with music and my phone. I am ok. That was not always the case. I am realizing that the only person that is going to be there with me in every moment of my life is me. I am my own best company.
When we got to my daughter’s apartment, I thanked our Uber driver for his words which I so desperately needed to hear. As we got out of the car, I half expected to see him drive away and vanish with a wink, just like all the Santas seem to do in my favorite Hallmark Christmas movie.
Accidental Harmony 