A while ago I heard someone talk about the people that we have in our lives. 33% are people in our close circle: close friends and family, people who love us and we love them unconditionally. The second 33% are circumstantial friends: work friends, parents of our children’s friends, or just people we interact with at a moment in time, but it does not go on indefinitely. The last 33% are people who , for whatever, there is just no chemistry there. These are the people who, no matter what you do, will never like you and you will never be friends.
Sadly, those last 33% seem to consume me the most. My need to be liked makes me work extra hard to get those people to approve or like me. A futile effort. It has been the story of my life – wanting others to like me and seeking approval. In an earlier blog, I talked about how what other people think about you is none of your business. I also talked about my daughter Molly and how if someone does not like her she just shrugs it off and lets it go. I strive to do that, but I just can’t. It has been a lifelong struggle for me. And we all know that neediness and wanting someone to like you is not an attractive quality and never achieves the intended goal. In fact, quite the opposite. The worst part about it is when you are concentrating so hard on the people who don’t like you, you tend to give less attention to the people who matter. Instead of nurturing those relationships, we tend to take them for granted.
The bottom line is that there will always be someone who does not like you. Someone that no matter what you do, it won’t be enough. The problem is that it is really hard knowing you are not someone’s cup of tea and not let it get to you.
Instead of trying so hard for the approval, you are never going to get, remember that you have choices.
First, stop talking about them. This is a hard one for me, I want to complain to anyone who will listen about how miserable they are and how nothing I do is good enough. We already know it is not good enough (in their eyes) so let it go!
Second, remember to put up boundaries. You already know they don’t like you, so no sense in allowing them to treat you with disrespect. No matter what they think of you, you deserve to be treated in a kind and respectful way.
And finally, don’t allow someone to judge and berate you because you are not living up to the expectations they have of you. Don’t let them make you ashamed of your scars. You are enough! The bottom line is that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes and we all, at one time or another, make some questionable choices. Surround yourself with people who prop you up. People who root for you. People who, love you despite your mistakes, accept you and love you anyway.
You are the driver of your own life, not the passenger. Make a conscious effort to nurture and build up that circle of friends who love and support you. Enjoy the circumstantial people who come in and out of your life for whatever reason. Those last 33%? There is no room for them in the car. Leave them on the side of the road and just drive right by.
“The people who mind don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t mind.”
Accidental Harmony 