I recently had someone say something that threw me off guard. I started to explain myself to this person who truthfully had no place in my life and stopped myself. I did not need to justify or explain myself to this person who was totally inconsequential in my life. This was not always the case. My old behavior would be trying to justify the reason why I made a specific choice. After 57 years on this earth, I am realizing I do not have to do this. I do not have to explain or justify to anyone. People will believe what they want to.
As I’ve mentioned in this blog before, I have had a very tumultuous couple of years and for people in my circle, I have reached out for support and understanding. However, I have come to realize that people outside of my circle have felt that it is ok for them to be judge and jury of my life, even without knowing the facts.
The bottom line is that people are going to believe or think things about you that are none of their business. No amount of explaining or justifying is going to change the way they feel. They have already made their decision about my or any situation. I can talk until I am blue in the face, their minds are made up.
I am extremely codependent. I always want to tell people my side of the story so they will understand me. I cannot accept that people might misunderstand. I will go to the extent just to prove my reasoning behind an action or a choice. God forbid someone takes a side and thinks badly of me. It is part of my obsession to want people to like me and think highly of me.
As I age, the need for approval has gotten less and less. Sad that it has taken 57 years for me to learn this lesson. I do not need someone else’s approval or understanding to somehow prove my worth to them. People believe what they want to believe no matter how detailed the explaining or justification is. Their mind is already made up.
We cannot control what others think, better to just be quiet, nod our heads and just let it be. Many people assume the more vocal or loud they are that it somehow translates to strength and that my being quiet is somehow weak. Quite the opposite. I have found that silence is the best way to answer someone who does not put value or understanding to my words or actions.
I don’t need someone else’s stamp of approval on my life or my choices. All I need is my own.
Accidental Harmony 