Trust

Having trust in a relationship is like a safety net. You feel safe. When that trust is broken, can it ever be repaired? I’m not just talking about the trust between partners, but trust between a friend, a co-worker or a family member. Is it possible to pick up the pieces and rebuilt that trust?

According to Sheri Stritof it takes five steps to begin to rebuild trust. They are as follows:

• Knowing the details
• Releasing the anger
• Showing commitment
• Rebuilding trust
• Rebuilding the relationship.

It does not matter whether you have been the person betrayed and hurt or if you were the offending partner, both of you have to renew your commitment to the relationship and to each other. If a co-worker has thrown you under the bus, are you able to share with them what they did and how you felt using non-blaming words. I felt this way as opposed to you did this or that. Putting the focus on how you were affected.

You have to decide if you are willing to forgive and they have to decide if they are willing to be forgiven. Do they realize that they have broken your trust? Do they even care or do they want to change their behavior to ensure they don’t break your trust again. Perhaps they don’t feel they did anything wrong. Then it is up to you to decide if you are willing to forgive and give them another chance or forgive and move on without them.

You have to decide if you are capable of forgiving and giving them another chance. It might seem easy but I think that is one of the hardest things to do. I will be honest, I can be a resentment magnet. I have a hard time letting go.

Both partners have got to want it work out. It cannot be a one way street. That family member who might’ve betrayed you has got to recognize what they have done and if they want to change in order to keep you in their lives. Are they willing to change and are you willing to give them that opportunity? You both have to want it.

You have to be willing to fight. Not fight each other, but fight for each other. It takes a lot of work and only you can decide is this a fight you are willing to do. Does this relationship mean so much to you that you want to fight to make it work, even if there are bumps in the road – and there will be.

You also have to be ready to walk away. If you are the only one working at it, if the other person is unwilling to see their side and work towards changing to keep you in their lives, then it is time to walk away.

You need two people in a trustworthy relationship. It is not a one person job. You have to admit that you are wrong and be willing to change and the other person needs to forgive and give you that opportunity to prove yourself. One does not work without the other

“Trust is rebuilt when a person consistently changes their behavior and ceases to violate another’s trust. Do what you say you are going to do and have integrity in everything you do. Other’s trusting you will follow in time” – Dr. Gary Chapman