I admit it, I like to be liked. I have lived close to my 61 years looking for the approval from others. With that comes seeking the approval of people who don’t deserve having me in their lives. I have sacrificed a great deal trying to get people to like me and I have allowed people to mistreat me because of that.
For so long I have given people chances over and over again. I have allowed them to mistake my kindness and acceptance for weakness. I blame myself, not them. I allowed them to treat me that way. By giving them so many chances it turns into a cycle of disrespect.
By accepting them to treat me this way, they know that their actions have no consequences and they continue to do so. It allows me to stay in the loop of disrespect. The crazy thing about that is that the person I disrespect is myself, not them. I get angry at myself for allowing them to do it because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. It is emotionally exhausting except they are totally unaware (or they are) and I am the person suffering.
I’ve learned that it is not wrong for wanting to be liked. I am not weak for being kind and I am not foolish for being trusting. That said, when people show you who they are, believe them. Do not look past their actions and justify it. You give them the green light to treat you any way they like with no consequences.
I recently had a situation where I trusted someone to keep my confidence. They did not! Now this person has quite a few times shared confidential information I shared with them with others. Again, I let my guard down, shared with them something private and they immediately went and mentioned it to someone else. I was so upset; not at them but myself for trusting them. They had shown me so many times that they were not worthy of my trust and yet I confided with them once again.
The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. By accepting unacceptable behavior over and over we show others that our boundaries are optional and can be negotiated.
“When people show you their true colors, believe them.” ……Dolly Parton
