Giving yourself Grace

To give yourself grace means treating yourself with patience, kindness, and the same compassion you would give to others.

As I have shared in the past, I have had some recent health setbacks, and I can tell you I have been extremely hard on myself.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to give more to others than I do to myself. If a friend or co-worker is struggling, I will give them my patience, understanding, and the space they need to find their way through it. But when I’m the one who isn’t “together,” I tend to beat myself up, put myself down, and apologize for not being the person I think I should be. I am often much harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else.

I have had a hard year physically. I have been in and out of hospitals, facing procedures and surgeries I never expected to have. It has been hard—really hard. I have struggled both physically and emotionally.

And if I’m being honest, I’m frustrated.

Why can’t I just get myself together and move on? Why is my body taking so long to heal? Why am I still so emotionally fragile? I want to feel like myself again. I want to get back to doing the things I love and stop feeling like my health is dictating so much of my life.

But I’m learning something.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to feel all of the emotions—sadness, fear, uncertainty, anger, frustration, and even exhaustion. Those feelings don’t mean I’m weak. They mean I’m human, and I have been through a lot.

I was scared throughout my last little stay at “Hotel MGH”—Mass General Hospital. And you know what? I had every right to be scared. I didn’t need to pretend I wasn’t. I didn’t need to tell myself to simply “get over it.”

But I also didn’t need to stay in that fear.

There is a difference between acknowledging what you feel and allowing that feeling to define you.

Maybe giving myself grace means allowing myself to have hard days without judging myself for them. Maybe it means recognizing that healing doesn’t happen on my timeline. Maybe it means speaking to myself the way I would speak to someone I love: with patience, compassion, reassurance, and kindness.

I would never tell a friend who was going through what I’ve been through that they should just “get themselves together.” I would tell them they are doing the best they can. I would remind them how much they have already endured. I would tell them to rest when they need to rest, cry when they need to cry, and take things one day at a time.

So why shouldn’t I offer myself the same grace?

I’m still learning how to do that.

I may not be where I want to be yet, but I am here. I am healing. I am trying. And for today, maybe that is enough.

Sometimes giving yourself grace simply means saying, “This is hard, and I’m allowed to have a hard time with it.”

And then, when you’re ready, taking the next step.

“Grace isn’t something you should give to others. It’s also something you should give to yourself” – Jeff McClung